Come back gmail

No one should ever have to try and stop smoking, step back from communicating with someone, and be cut off from access to their email at the same time. I am all the more ok with my decision to smoke this week.

Although I suppose the latest form of withdrawl does make the 2nd on the list easier to manage.

I wish I could quit you

Hat tip to Maureen for reminding me of the post title that's been begging to be referenced.

Last week I was chatting with a friend who was going through a break up just as I was starting this endeavour. She noted a parallel between the two experiences, then said that she hoped it wasn't offensive to compare the two. My response was "YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT". It was a comparison I had made over a year ago when ending a relationship. It's the same kind of feeling when you're walking down the street, fighting the urge to talk to or text someone when you know it's a bad idea, as when you're walking down the street, watching tv, finishing a good meal (etc. etc. etc...) and trying to will yourself not to light up.

Trust me when I say doing both at the same time is just about impossible. For the sake of my sanity, I'm taking a couple of days to regroup. I'm going to set a new quit date for Friday, Sept. 4. Hopefully my head's screwed back on right by that point.

I'm not going to lie

The point of this blog is honesty, right? I'm not going to lie, I totally cheated tonight. But... it had to be done. It was the perfect storm of reasons to smoke.

Tomorrow though, I leave the pack behind and spend the weekend with a number of non-smokers invested in my success. Back on track in the a.m. Many thanks to a reader who did her best to help me avoid this, but the third day proved pretty killer.

Sorry folks, but don't worry. All is not lost.

I take it back

Nicotine gum is not a placebo. The last piece I popped was absolutely lovely. Heading into the afternoon much more relaxed.

46 hours

I've often heard that the first three days of quitting is the hardest, and when I went to sleep last night I thought if that's true, this could be much easier than I thought. At the moment though, reality's starting to kick in. It seems cockiness will get you. Yesterday was a good day. I was social, I had beers, I ranted--all things that are usually accompanied by tobacco. But it went fine without it.

With the bulk of two days behind me, I'm starting to reason with myself, thinking that I've done so well so far, and it wasn't that hard, so it's not that bad if I have one cigarette now. What's one, right?

I'm fighting it. I might get a coffee. I think that could help.

Approaching end of work-day two

One of the things that kept me from quitting for the last little while is that two of my closest co-workers also smoke. One is my boss, and it is and always has been a solid means for bonding and exchanging information between the two of us. The other is my best office friend, a fellow 20-something who goes back and forth between casual smoking and not, and works on the other side of our office, so taking a break is the only time I see her.

Part of why I was able to tackle quitting at this specific moment is that I knew my young work buddy was going to be out of the office for two days for a conference, and I could avoid the temptation of taking a break with her. She returned this afternoon. I didn't mention it initially, and there was no temptation, but eventually when my eyes tired of staring at data for almost 7 hours I had to leave my office. I strolled down to chat to keep my mind off the urge to bolt for the elevators. And I broke the news.

Her response was "is that why you're ravaging that gum?" followed by "wow, I did not see that coming."

I think I'll hear that a lot over the next little while.

22.5 hours

I'm relatively certain nicotine gum is a placebo. It feels like it's mostly just beneficial to have something to grab and occupy myself when I think I should be grabbing a smoke. I mean, I'm only on my third piece since quitting. If I didn't already have 45 pieces in my purse I'd switch to Excel to test the theory.

And this post marks my getting through what is usually my morning smoke break.